Restarting......

...as a mother. That's what I've been trying to do these two weeks.

I quit my job when ds was about to enter primary school. The intention was to stay at home to coach him since we couldn't find anyone to coach his work if both hubby and me were working. More than 3 years have passed by. I've failed terribly at that intended role. For the past 3 years, I was always engaged in lots of other things, primarily my own interests. Perhaps it was because I couldn't switch over from my work life. Being the kind who cannot sit still, I just had to do something, anything. And so, I explored into baking, gardening, anything, but coaching the kids.

Unfortunately, ds does not belong to the rare breed of hardworking kids. Without someone pushing him, he has ended up doing last minute revision for the past 3 years. It was tough for both of us. I had to cramp in as much info as possible into him during the exam period, only to realise that his foundation is really weak, especially his languages. The last minute cramping is really too much for his carefree mind to handle. As such, his results were never fantastic and it only gets worse as he proceeds to higher level. Every year, his results would remind me how I have failed to work towards my original goal. It was a tiring cycle, repeating itself again and again.

He's in P4 this year. I don't know what had happen to me. It's like I just woke up one day with a new set of engine and memory. Suddenly I feel the urge and need to plan for the kids, not only for ds, but also for my two younger girls. Are they going to follow the footsteps of their brother? The thought of it wake me up.

For the past two weeks, I tried to allocate time every weekday afternoon to sit down with the 3 kids and coach them on their work. The younger ones will do lighter stuff that they enjoy while ds did his homework. The response, esp from ds, has been most encouraging. His interest in his studies is still there, despite the fact that he hasn't been doing at all well for the past years. Perhaps there is still some burning passion in him to improve.

Doing all these naturally means less time for all my indulgence. I try to settle all housework and meals preparation in the mornings when the kids are out. At the end of the day, I'll usually feel rather tired. I do not know how long I can persist in this new "hobby", but for the sake of our kids, we should give it a shot, right?